Yesterday, we arrived, unpacked and settled into our villa. It's our first time to Door County, but from the looks of it, it may not be our last. Our family vacation is finally here!

We're excited for our plans this week and we're hoping it goes by reeeeaaaally slow. Happy Sabbath!

It is one of those rare moments when my entire family is napping.  Yes, all 3 boys, Israel, and even Bentley and the cats.  The snow is pouring outside and everywhere you look outside is white.  It's Valentine's Day, 2010.  I've been doing a lot of personal reflecting on Christ's life, on human life, and on love. 

Many children are not blessed with growing up with both parents.  Many children are not raised by godly parents.  Many children don't have true Christian friends or role models.  And many children are disappointed.

Many people are never able to live up to the expectations others have set for them.  Many people have failed at what they consider the most important things in life.  Many people are hurt by others.  And many people have lost those closest to them. 

So, many give up on life.

But what if they knew that Someone believed in them?  What if they knew that Someone could fill in the gaps that their family, friends, and/or churches left?  What if they knew that Someone could forgive them and help them change?  If only they knew that Someone loved them more than anyone in this world could.

So, on this Valentine's Day, know that God loves you more than you'll ever need to be loved.  His grace is sufficient.  And let's share that love with those around us - to the annoying, to the angry, to the misfits, to the lonely...to those who need to know.  

I want to know how much God loves me.  I need to know so I can change.  I've realized that part of being a Christian means finding healing from who we are and who others have made us.  Before it is too late, will you be made whole?

**  This post is dedicated to my late cousin.  He was loved more than we know.  **

Last week, we had to be down in Lansing for Israel's ordination review.  So, our whole family took the long drive downstate.  This time was different, though, because it was our first trip down with all 5 of us.  We decided not to take Leon (our conversion van) since he doesn't have snow tires and his safety ratings aren't the greatest.  So, Israel installed our car top carrier on the Freestyle and we loaded it up.  I started packing several days before our trip to make sure we wouldn't forget anything. 

It's amazing how my packing mentality has changed throughout the years.  When I was single, it was all about trying to bring as much as possible.  I wanted enough options with my outfits, although I was usually limited to how much trunk space would need to shared.  Once I got married, it was even better.  I had half of the car to pack my stuff.  Israel and I would just throw our stuff everywhere and anywhere in the car. When Imanuel came into the picture, three-quarters of our car was dedicated to baby stuff and we downsized our belongings.  I packed Imanuel's stuff with the worst-case scenario in mind.  I would bring a minimum one outfit per day (-but typically a few extra outfits "in case we get stranded") and enough diapers to last an extra few days.  (I hadn't yet realized that our destinations did have stores that sold diapers and the like.)  I would pack items such as the baby bathtub, a big bag of baby first aid supplies, baby laundry detergent, etc.  The addition of Micah forced us to cut down so I began to eliminate obvious items that I could do without or never ended up using.  This included my number of outfits & shoes, amount of toiletries, the baby bathtub, the stroller if it was winter, and also the excess of diapers.  I would only bring the number of diapers I would need for the trip and maybe a few extra.  I also began to pack just one outfit per day.  I limited their belongings to one bag each.  This would include their diapers too.  Then, they would share a backpack with their books and toys.  We made a big cut-back when we only needed to bring one pack 'n' play since Manu graduated to sleeping on the floor.  Our compact double stroller was also a great investment when Micah was old enough to sit in it.  But even still, our family of four could easily fill the entire car top carrier and any extra space in the car.

So this last trip, I officially became a self-proclaimed packing genius.  My favorite word has become "consolidate".  Here is the general breakdown:

- Total of 4 travel bags:  1 for Manu & Micah, 1 small bag for Ty, 1 for me, 1 for Israel
   My bag included the following:
     - 1 toiletry bag for me & the boys
     - 1 small bag with emergency medicine/supplies for infants, toddlers & adults
- Israel's backpack:  all electronics, computers, worship books, kids' books, toys, & DVDs
- My hand bag:  doubled as a baby bag
- Ty's stroller & travel bassinet
- Blankets for the car
- 3 water bottles & a bag of snacks for the road
...and that's about it!

I've become so obsessive with packing efficiently that when we stop at gas stations to fill up, I get this refreshing feeling as I throw away all the wrappers/trash from the snacks & diapers.  I feel like our car gets lighter and less cluttered as we go.  And on the way back up, I try as much as possible to keep the same number of bags.  We turn one of the travel bags into our family laundry bag and we distribute the rest of our clothes into the other 3.  If we plan on stopping by a hotel, we'll turn our smallest travel bag into an overnight bag for the whole family.  To answer your question, yes, Israel thinks I'm crazy.

I'll never forget the night when were moving to the U.P. from downstate.  The moving truck had gone before us with most of our stuff.  In our car, we had 6 month old Imanuel, 1 year old (crazy) Bentley & his dog cage, Aroe & Chance and a litter box, along with a few travel bags.  We stopped by a hotel on the way up.  Israel ran in to see if they allowed pets.  They said yes.  First, Israel brought in Imanuel who was in his car seat and I had Bentley on a leash.  The lady at the front desk smiled at us.  Then, Israel ran back out and came back in with the two cats in his arms.  The lady gave him a crazy look.  Finally, he brought our bags and the litter box.  We all slept in one hotel room that night. 

I'm just imagining how hilarious that would be if we had to fit all five of us, plus Bentley and the cats in our car.  Then, how crazy it would be if we had to stop and get a hotel!  Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent...

We are now safely back and almost unpacked.  It was a super-fun trip and we're so glad we were able to spend some time with family and friends.  Wish we would have taken more pictures!  But it was so nice having everyone meet Ty.  It was also really awesome that we got to see Ian again...and I was finally able to hold him!  He's so adorable!  Well, I'll end this with a video clip that I took on our trip.  Manu and Micah's car seats are in the way back of the car and Ty is the only one in the second row.  I caught the boys in the back in one of rare moments when they weren't napping, bickering, or telling on each other.    (It's sideways and I don't know how to rotate it!)

Until next time!

Tomorrow, Ty will be 7 weeks but I couldn't wait any longer.  He has been growing at such a ridiculous rate so, 4 nights ago, I decided to skip one of his night meals.  The first night was a bit rough.  He woke up and waited patiently for me to feed him.  When I didn't, he cried for a while, but his pacifier helped.  The second night, he woke up again expecting to eat, but this time it only took about 10 minutes with his pacifier and he went back to sleep.  Last night, while it took him a while to finally go to sleep, after his last feeding at midnight, he slept through the night feeding and didn't wake up to feed until 7:30am.  I think this proves that he is definitely getting plenty of milk...more than enough.  So, he's down to 6 feedings a day.  I'm hoping this will control his weight gain.  We'll see what our doctor will say at his 2 month well baby visit. 

On a more general note, the Lord has really given me the strength to live from day to day.  I can truly say that I trust God.  I know that He is able and willing to help me, if only I rely on Him.  All around, my life has been a testimony of God's grace:  I'm learning how to love Jesus more by spending time with Him daily.  I'm also learning how to love people more by letting things go and giving them the benefit of the doubt.  My love and appreciation for Israel and the boys are growing deeper as time goes by.  I've been exercising faithfully and getting into shape.  And as a bonus, my house is clean and chores done!  It is so true that "[t]hose who make God first, last, and best are the happiest people on earth". 

Here are some pictures of the boys who transformed my life!  I can truly say that because of them, I'm learning how to walk with God. 

My Sweet Heart

My Silly Boy

(BTW, that thing he's playing with is Ty's "pee pee teepee".)

Last Monday we took the boys to the Mineral Museum at MI Tech.

 

and...My Sunshine 

Happy Sabbath! 

Today marks the 31st day since I was in labor all night, went into major surgery the next morning, and since I've had a stretch of more than 3-4 hours of sleep at one time.  If my mother were not here, I would have surely lost it.  But even though my mother has been here to help, it has been perhaps the most difficult weeks of my life.  And yet, God saw it fit to teach me one crucial lesson.  I have no excuse.

After watching the messages at GYC via live streaming on our website, I had made several commitments.  I was particularly impacted by one message by Sebastien titled, "But Now".  There were so many times that I made commitments to the Lord concerning myself, my husband, and my children.  Yet, often times my promises were like ropes of sand.  After so many times, it is easy to become afraid to commit again.  But I praise God for Sebastien's message that challenged me to make commitments even though in the past, I've failed.  But Now.

One of the personal commitments that I made was to spend more time alone with the Lord.  I also committed to reading through the Bible cover to cover - something, I sadly admit, I've never done before.  Before it seemed I could never find the time.  I had so many excuses and there were also many people who assured me that I was justified.  I mean, my life was consumed by raising 2 young boys, being a pastor's wife, GYC work, taking care of our home, cooking, cleaning and the list could go on.  Then, add to the list how my life has been these past 31 days...

But God is so patient with us.  And He is so desperately waiting for opportunities to reveal Himself to us. 

One night as I was up in the middle of the night feeding Ty, the Lord impressed something upon my heart.  Look at my life!  I'm so worn out by the end of the day and yet I still willingly wake up every few hours to feed Ty.  And I don't even complain about it.  How could I have ever used the excuse that I was too exhausted to wake up a little earlier or stay up a little later to spend time with Jesus?  to study His Word?  Very few people could possibly be more worn out than me!  It struck me: 

Mothers have no excuse! 

If we are willing to wake up every 3 hours throughout the night to spend an hour feeding/burping/changing our babies, what is one hour every morning and evening to spend with our Savior and the Giver of our children?

If we are willing to cut out foods, no questions asked, for our nursing babies because we suspect it may be giving them gas, what is modifying our diets for the temple of the Holy Spirit?

If we are willing to defend and protect our children at all cost, what is being unashamed for the One who gave up Heaven for us?

I believe God, in His mercy, has paid special attention to us women, and particularly mothers.  He has shown us our capability to deeply love others - particularly our husbands and children.  And yet, often times we end it there.  But that just means we can love Jesus so much more.  Enoch's experience should truly be ours! 

So, despite my failures in the past, I am determined to love Jesus more.  By His grace, I have been able to read and study His Word every day since I made that commitment.  I find time.  It helps that I am awakened every few hours during the quietness of the night to take care of Ty.  In the busiest, most trying time of my life, I have found the most time to spend with Him.  The difference is that I realized, I have no excuse.  The Lord has given me so many people in my life whom I love so very much - the latest being my precious newborn Ty.  But even now, I can love Him more!

Ty will be 4 weeks tomorrow morning and he has leaped from a "normal" 50th percentile birth weight (7lbs 12ozs) to a staggering 97th percentile (just over 12 lbs).  He has been feeding every 3 hours and at night he usually has one 4-5 hour stretch from ~1am - 6am.  And he only feeds for about 15 minutes.  The only reasoning I can think of is that Ty's metabolism is super-duper slow...or Micah is sneaking him cookies when I'm not looking.  Either way, he is morphing into a "ball of flesh" as Israel likes to call it.  We'll see if their doctor will put Ty on the night-time starvation diet like she did for Micah. 

Here are pictures from today of Micah holding Ty.

"Little bro, it's not always easy being big, but don't worry.  I love you...and I got your back."

Daddy and the boys
 

Happy 4th Sabbath, Ty!  And a blessed Sabbath to all of you!

Back on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 8:24pm, I created this list on Facebook.  Now that today is the last day of 2009, I've decided to do a self-evaluation and look forward to new goals for the new year.

10. Find a hairstyle that I really like and find a hairdresser that can make it happen. 
- I've found an awesome hair salon called NV Salon.  I have a great hairstylist.  I think the current hair style that I have is a keeper...at least for a while. 

9. Not gain more than 35lbs during this pregnancy. (Never been done before.) 
- Totally saved by Grace.  I had an OB appointment on Dec. 10 and I was weighed.  I had gained a total of 34 lbs.  I went into labor the next evening.  If the baby would have waited until the scheduled c-section over a week later, I'm sure I would have gone over!  Isn't God so nice??

8. Make it a habit of reading more. 
- I was really doing great on this one.  It's been more difficult after Ty was born.  It's been nice though because during feedings (usually at night when I'm all alone) I've been able to read the Bible on my iPhone.  It's great because you don't need to turn the lights on. 

It is my prayer that this new year will bring our family closer to Christ and that much closer to His soon return.  Happy New Year!

So, Ty's umbilical cord fell off last night.  As I was changing his diaper after a feeding, I noticed that it was gone.  I thought it was a semi-exciting moment, so I called Israel in the room to share the news.  I asked him to help me look for it since it must have fallen in his onesie.  We weren't able to locate it right away and Israel's first response was, "Bentley probably ate it."  I kept searching to which Israel exclaimed, "Who cares, it's not like we're going to keep it anyway." 

I would have let that comment slide were it not for the fact that over 3 years ago, we had a very similar scenario, but our conversation and outcome went very differently. 

When Imanuel's umbilical cord fell off, it was such a momentous occasion.  It meant that we had properly dried that thing out and we could finally give our son his first bath!  We were so excited.  We looked at each other and asked, "What should we do with the cord?"  It was something that held so much meaning. And the cord was like a piece of him - a piece of us!  We were not sure what to do with that hard, raisin-looking piece of flesh.  So, we kept it on our night stand for a couple of days because we couldn't stand to just throw it away in the trash...like it didn't mean anything.  After about a week of it just sitting there, I revisited the cord issue.  I felt we had given it its due respect.  It was time for us to throw it out.  But Israel said no.  He liked it right where it was...sitting and collecting dust on the night stand.  In fact, he liked looking at it so much that he ended up keeping it there for over a month! 

So last night, I reminded Israel of this.  I ended up finding Ty's cord in his onesie and gave it to Israel.  I asked him if he was sure he didn't want me to tape it into Ty's baby book.  We had a really good laugh.

It's so interesting how much things change from going through the experience of raising your first child to subsequent ones.  I remember when Imanuel was first born, sometimes being moved to tears just thinking about how as each day passed by, I would never be able to relive them.  It saddened me to think that one day, I wouldn't be able to hold him in my arms or rock him to sleep.  I didn't want him to change so quickly!

But now that Imanuel is older, it almost seems silly that I thought that way.  While there is something special about remembering the past, in each growing stage of Manu's life, I love and appreciate him even more.  There are lessons to be learned and we must move on.  I'm so glad he is no longer a newborn! In His wisdom, God has designed us so that in each stage of development, we are meant to grow and be strengthened.  Just as in the Christian experience, we are created to grow more and more into the stature of Christ.  In each stage, we can find completeness in Him.  That is nothing to be sad about.

With Micah and Ty, I have found emotional freedom from trying to hold on to what you can't.  Each new day brings hope for character development and ultimately hope for salvation.  In the meantime, I am going to enjoy and savor every moment with my boys...because I know time will fly by. 

Israel tossed out Ty's cord in the trash without a struggle.  He will soon have his first real bath...and a whole series of his "firsts".  While the excitement isn't quite the same as for #1, the depth of love starts with each new child where the other kids' left off.  Ty, you are deeply loved! 

(And just to let you know, no slackers here on filling out the baby books and picture taking!       

On Christmas Eve, Daddy and Manu came back from California and arrived home past 11pm.  We woke everyone up and opened presents.  Lots of special gifts for Grandma from the boys!  We're so thankful she has come up to help take care of us for the month.

Micah got a new blanket, Manu got a toy baking set, and they both got bath markers and a board game.

Bentley even got a stocking with gifts this year. 

We made carob/coconut crunchies and baked & decorated Christmas cookies in the afternoon.

Manu Claus delivering a Christmas stocking with a special present inside!

Brothers, Micah & Ty

Each year since we got our Christmas tree, we've added one ornament.  We started this tradition when Grandma Karen from church gave Micah the first one commemorating his first Christmas in 2007.  Last year, Manu picked out the moose.  This year, we got another one from Grandma Karen for baby Ty's first Christmas. 

Was it a silent night?

    
Some of us were up all night!   

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and truly appreciated God's gift to us through His Son, Jesus. May we learn to love Him more! 

I'm writing now on the very eve of perhaps the most special Christmas ever.  My third baby boy was just born 12 days ago and my precious nephew is finally where he belongs - at home.  Seeing your loved ones hurting is the perhaps the most difficult experience one can go through.  But the Lord has been faithful to us.  He has used such a severe trial to strengthen our family, our friends, our churches, and ultimately our trust and love for Him.  There is no doubt in my mind that Ian Jukes Namm is a special child with a high calling.  And I'm so proud to be his aunt and I'm so proud to call God my Father. 

God bless each of you this holiday season as we remember the greatest sacrifice ever given!

(And this is where I would put a picture of me holding baby Ian.  One day soon.)